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  • Fred

Stuck In A Potential Well

I say that from now on, I will vlog/write/workout every single day.

I continue for the first couple of days.

All is progressing nicely.

Then I stop.

The excuses start to come out. 'I had to do this other important thing right now' or 'I forgot.'

But that doesn't make for the simple fact.

I didn't write/vlog/workout on that day.

There is no excuse.

I've managed to accomplish a lot when considering the traditional career path, but that's not what I'm after now.

I'm trying to make good on my potential and passions for writing, vlogging, and exercise.

Excellence in those three skills doesn't require a prestigious university degree or a prominent internship.

It requires consistency. Not as a goal, but as the necessary standard for achieving excellence.

I'm stuck in this well of potential. And in the past seven months, I've been trying to climb out.

I'm not climbing out the right away. I'm haven't put my best foot forward in trying to climb out.

I've always had the other leg dragging behind me, stuck in the past.

Deep down, I'm realizing that there's still stuff in the past that is affecting my climb out of this potential well. I didn't take the time to deal with it after moving out here.

I'm doing now what I should have done seven months ago, which is addressing the "trauma" (that might be too strong of a word here) that I went through before and during MIT.

Before MIT, I lost an incredible part of myself. During MIT, the pressure of the academic institution had buried that part of me, rendering it inaccessible.

Now, the task is to unearth that fragment and rejoin it with the rest of me. Only by doing that will put me on the path to healing and becoming my old self again.

I'm very lucky that I had developed the ability to write. It was a major reason I made it out of MIT at all.

But in this new stage of life, writing won't be enough to save me. If writing was therapy for my mind, then exercise will be therapy for my body.

The gym will be the therapist's office. And I've got to show up every day, no exceptions.

The last thing one of my closest friends said to me at MIT was to promise him that I would take care of myself.

F, for the last seven months, I haven't been.

But I'm starting right now.

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